you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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