An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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