I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
