My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
