if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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