I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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