Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
