i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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