Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
