i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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