I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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