Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
