i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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