How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
