For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
