Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
