no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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