Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
even my farts smell like vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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