best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
