I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
