i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
