Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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