They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
