Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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