well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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