This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
