I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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