I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
