i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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