i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
