I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
