The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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