She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
