So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
