She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
