Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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