He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
