then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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