first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
