he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
