When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
