I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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