You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize