I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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