Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
