based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
