Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
