I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
