Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
