I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
