Got a toothbrush?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Randomize
