Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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