I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
