I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
