I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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