His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She bit a glass in half.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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