girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She even gives head with a lisp.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
