I hate your face
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
