This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
