Michael Bay diarrhea
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
