My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
