Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize