so that wasnt chicken after all
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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