She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
