i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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