she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
