Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize