Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
