I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
