4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sarcasm needs its own font
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i out mim tonsoeep
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