I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
