Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
